Laresa Watkins

Ode to the Elf

Dec 22, 2014
mommyinbonlee

Who doesn’t love their Elf on the Shelf?  Ours is named Martin, and he brings a lot of fun to our house.  The kids love getting up super-early every morning to find him!  We just love him… 🙂

 

You lay in wait all year long,

and then we bring our Christmas tree home.

The kids yell out, “Now Martin will come!”

We stoically nod and say, “Uh-hmmmm.”

 

We spend 2 hours that night searching for you,

for you were lost last year in the post-Christmas zoo.

You’re finally located in the wrapping paper box,

Safely hidden in some old Christmas socks.

 

So begins the month of the Elf,

Our dreaded time with the Elf on the Shelf.

 

You leave every night to tattle on the children,

And come back the next day in a different position.

Where will you be, and what will you be doing,

When the kids come downstairs early the next morning?

 

Will you be in a bath of marshmallow bubbles?

Or hanging upside down in some sort of trouble?

There’s a smirk on your face and in your eyes a gleam,

and there’s always an extra mess for me to clean.

 

Some nights I wake at 4 a.m. with a start,

the only sound the pounding of my heart.

Because about you I have forgotten,

and if the kids find out, their hearts will be broken.

 

So I jump up in the dark and stumble through the house,

attempting to be as quiet as a mouse.

I snatch you from your spot on our fireplace mantel,

If the kids saw me now it would be such a scandal.

 

As I place you in the Barbie Corvette

I think that everything is all set.

When I hear a loud bang and the squeak of a door,

and little feet moving around on the floor.

 

I look around wildly for a place to hide,

then push the car, sending you for a ride.

Running into the bathroom as fast as I can,

I hear a squeal of delight from my little man.

 

He tells the story of Martin the next morning,

racing by in the Corvette, the engine roaring.

The youngest throws a tantrum because she didn’t get to see,

Just another gift from the Elf, straight from him to me.

 

So goes the month of the Elf,

the long, long month with the Elf on the Shelf.

 

What’s even worse than the close calls,

Is when the Elf hasn’t moved at all.

Because I, in my haze of Elf-induced exhaustion,

forgot (or didn’t wake up) to move him.

 

Too late in the morning we realize,

and we have seconds while the kids rub their sleepy-eyes.

I distract them so my husband can run,

frantically searching for our Elf Martin.

 

My phone beeps, it’s a text from Jason,

“Where is Martin? I can’t place him!”

I block the kids from walking out the door,

Frantically typing, “Under the table, on the floor!”

 

I keep them in the bathroom as long as I can,

brushing their teeth and washing their hands.

But they escapte into the living room and I follow yelling,

alerting my husband that the children are coming.

 

They begin their daily search for our Elf,

and our month goes on with our Elf on the Shelf.

 

But the worst thing of all about our Elf Martin,

is the dreaded day when he is touched by someone.

It could be an accident, but probably not,

the he was moved from his morning spot.

 

I hear screaming and crying and gnashing of teeth,

and see Martin sprawled underneath our Christmas wreath.

It’s usually my youngest that gave in to the need,

to give him a poke.  She just had to see…

 

They cry, “He’s lost his magic!  He’s dead, he’s dead!”

“No, he’s fine,” I try to calm the children, shaking my head.

I work to convince them that he’ll be okay,

quickly pulling up Pinterest to see what other mom’s say.

 

I don’t have glitter on hand to sprinkle on the Elf,

to restore the magic to our Elf on the Shelf.

There is a fight breaking out in the next room,

I take a deep breath, and grab the broom.

 

I carefully sweep Martin across the floor,

and perform some ninja-moves hoping to restore,

Martin to his spot and peace to our home,

hating this Elf that doesn’t belong…

 

It’s almost over, our time with the Elf,

the month, the long month, with the Elf on the Shelf.

 

So as Christmas Eve nears the kids wait to see,

If Martin, when he hears Santa’s bells, will leave.

Then my vacation will begin,

and I will get a full night’s sleep again.

 

And that pretty much sums up our Christmas with the Elf,

The month of December with our Elf on the Shelf.

 

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